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S.S. PIZZARIFFIC
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Obama Tells Nation He's Going Out For Cigarettes | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
During a nationally televised address Tuesday, a visibly tired and worn President Obama informed the country that he was going out for a pack of cigarettes and would be back in 10 minutes or so.
At press time, it was already getting dark and he had not yet returned.
“My fellow Americans, a year ago I was elected to the office of president of the United States,” Obama said. “With that responsibility comes a lot of expectations. A lot of pressure. I inherited a trillion-dollar deficit, two wars, a financial system in crisis, and a failing health care industry. I’ve been trying to piece it all back together, you know? Trying to be the man everyone elected me to be. The man of this White House. But sometimes—sometimes it’s like I’m suffocating.”
“Anyway, I’m going to go get some smokes, but I’ll…be right back,” added Obama, his voice trembling slightly. “Don’t wait up.”
AMAZING.
Urban Dictionary: portmanbreau
All bro-related puns that take the form of portmanteaus.
E.g.: So me and my bro are on the brofa, trying to read about Bronald Reagan, bröt instead we brocrastinate and watch ‘Knocked Up’ with Seth Brogen. Dude, it’s brotally a bromantic comedy, bro.
See also: portmanbro.
“At this juncture we cannot negotiate with an individual who stares at us for a half an hour before coming over to tell us that he likes our shoes and then stands there awkwardly.” - Simone Nichols, Attractive Girls Union Spokesperson [via Jezebel]
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TEAM I LIKED MY LIFE BETTER BEFORE I KNEW WHAT THIS MEANT
